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Monday, April 20, 2009

MidLife Crisis

Phew… weekend is over an now am thinking from some time I wait for weekend with that joyous desire and plan lot many things to do over the weekend.. however on Saturday morning while having my breakfast, I was thinking or I felt a kind of loneliness surrounded me. Sometimes I like this and sometimes don’t.
By the day passed I was doing nothing, was thinking what to do ( what I don’t know)…. Spend whole day on my couch having one novel by my side and a movie in a laptop… I didn’t watched the movie and didn’t read the novel... Was lost in my thoughts…. By evening I got one term that also after when my friend call me and asked wass up !! I told him nothing…. I did nothing whole day.

The term is Midlife crisis. On weekends when I feel alone I somehow get depressed and gloomy. Due to this phenomenon last to last weekend (when it was long weekend) I went out of pune to spend some time elsewhere.
I googled the term “Midlife Crisis” and read a bit about it. As per the research it is less seen in Indian and Japanese culture raising the question of whether midlife crises is mainly a cultural construct. Some authors hypothesized that the "culture of youth" in Western societies accounts for the popularity of the midlife crisis concept there.
I guess I feel so because my work culture is western and influence by western societies… in our Indian culture we usually don’t go out for work and stay with family. In western culture people use to go out and stay alone… which makes them more firm and strong… but for that you need really strong will.
I feel low and gloomy these days I think because of the age and some monotonous life culture… office to home and home to office… there is no craze in life… there is no such excitement, which I was feeling few years back… I had that curiosity to know more… I was upfront . Now before doing anything I think beyond that.. which restricts my action… which make me feel I am getting older. Seems midlife crisis came to me a bit early.

As it is said… In your knowledge lies ignorance…

I am in office this is Monday morning and am writing this blog to satisfy my….. what don’t know!!!!
Hope this mid life crisis is just my imagination nothing else… I will pass through soon… There are many things to do and many things to achieve.. I can’t just act like a loose… I mustn’t behave like this…

Some more links for the term... I read more about it


Saturday, April 4, 2009

Lonely Saturday

Today is Saturday morning.. ok now noon... just woke up and found a note on the door that my friends whom i live with.. some of them went home already and some of them off to mumbai... so this weekend i will be alone... it haunted me first then I thought let me think and let me think deep about myself... I was thinking what I have to do and what i have done...

I posted two days back about escapism and yesterday I chalk down the plan what I am doing and what is wrong in it... then i changed approach and now i have 5 days with me to implement that.... to show some output... output really make you feel better and confident... Yeah people one more thing.......yesterday I got and kind of award for my services towards Community relattion.

So now am feeling bit focused.. i guess so...

Another thing is when i found i am alone for whole two days it was mixed feeling... then i opened my orkut account and saw new updates for some of my friend... one of them is Vikas Bahar I really miss him... he was the person who created BladeRunnerzzz our biking group. Really missing him a lot... felt so lonely !!!!

Vikas All the best my friend... we will meet soon again... world is not so big that we lost easily :)

Thursday, April 2, 2009


I don't know from whom am running away, from whom am trying to stay away, from whom I am scared.. yes I am scared. I don't know why I feel so unsecure, uncertain about everything.

I am escaping from one situation which am facing currently... It is not like I can't do it but it is taking a lot of time to complete the task and for which am not happy. I feel so scared even to get out of my flat... is it Escapism or is it simple unsecurity which make me feel paranoid.

I don't know what is it but it really haunting me... it make me feel you are alone and trust no one. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Though I want to connect to new people I want to meet new people I want to know more about the world, so I created my profiel on Twitter @subhashbohra but then also I feel people are doing many things and am no where... why i compare myself with other... i think this way i can evaluate myself... however it make me feel low then also i can't resist to compare myself with almost everything...

I started writing blog some time ago but I can see myself as a lazy guy who is always confused about many things... who is not having rock solid FOCUS of any thing. Who start many things but with time pufff !!! all gone... I can't keep pace with that all. I want to do many things in life and I know what they are and how to start but that lazy guy over powers and am still here....

Hope this time I will as I have started again... I will reach some place which will make me feel better and secure.